October 24, 2003 DOLLS AGAIN What I had written on May 2, 2002 “I got on Ebay this
morning.and continued to bid, intervening online stuff with adding to my web page on dolls of the world. Fiddling with sites,
looking at LC catalog for titles... And all those boxes in the living room from which I removed dolls to put into the suitcases
from K-Mart. 1,250 at least. My collection. and yet I continue to add to it...irresponsibly . Get hold of yourself Elizabeth, get
hold of yourself. “ Meaning that you are in a dangerous rut, keeping up the same behavior, compulsively, and not stopping for
anything, having no idea what the outcome will be. “Get hold of yourself, get hold of yourself” you were telling yourself, and
yet you have NOT gotten hold of yourself. REAPPLICATION FOR PROMOTION RETIREMENT PLANS This is what I
was writing 2 years ago. October 2, 2001 “I counted the days. If I plan to retire June 2003 which would be 20 months from
now there would be 445 days left of which 155 would be weekends and 64 would be holidays. Then how many days
professional associations could you string out of this ? Scenerio..if and when you get a contract letter then state that you would
be retiring at the end of that year.” Well, that is not what happened, that is not what I did. I got a contract letter all right, I
accepted it with no reservations and then began the process to apply for promotion, when wow….I was hit with either a
means for the library administration to make me resign because in fact I really did not have a job that merited my salary, or it
was really true about the law suit from Pharmacists Letter. What is true is that I was able to take advantage for another 18
months of dental and drug insurance and to continue adding to my retirement funds by both TIAA and Lincoln National and
the additions to the existing funds that I could keep without having to draw them out. REVIEWING JUNE 2003 I pulled the
entries off of Diaryland edited them, and think I have arrived at something important. No matter why I felt rejected for so
many years at an earlier age, I am now where I am, and one reason I feel left out, is obviously because people see me as a
really “old” person and treat me that way. The person in the PCAC class last night who asked “are you keeping up ?”…no
sense that this would hurt my feelings. I really think right now that they do not want me (the Department, Susan Miller, etc. )
want me to meddle with their disease state module classes, and would as soon let the next 8 months roll by and ignore my
charge altogether. Updating the web page is another matter that I can attend to. This would leave me with the opportunity to
go ahead and write the history as I want it, and to satisfy myself looking through the various records that are available in the
Archives when Trudy is there. Institutional history…a web page about how one person wrote such a history  HYPERLINK
"http://www.asme.org/history/sinclair_ps.html" 
http://www.asme.org/history/sinclair_ps.html Therefore sometime next
week I will go ahead and map out a plan, and see if I can somehow avoid the problems that I have had in the past with getting
things done. I won’t worry about publishing, or even making it available to the College as they probably aren’t interested
anyhow. I could do a list of sources, I suppose, annotating materials in the Archives