July 21, 2003 Diary

All of a sudden I feel as depressed as I can recall feeling...for no real reason. I am having trouble seeing..maybe this is it. For a number of mornings I have awakened with my left eye hurting. Now I am having trouble seeing. It is watering, but the I also seem to have an allergy that is affecting oddly enough just the left side of my face. Just the left side of my nose is running.

I suppose I should really see about seeing the ophthalmologist. Is this what is depressing me ?I have also started thinking seriously about quitting fairly soon. I really don't want to be here. I don't know what I thought this would be like, but alone here in this office I keep hoping that the telephone WON'T ring, that I WON'T get an email, that no one will knock on my door.

It would really seem strange when school is in session...all those people going up and down the hall and to be cloistered in here. I have started checking my financial situation over and over and over again...trying to decide how I will manage when I really do quit. At one time when I assumed I would be at 1715 I simply thought that I could figure on utilities, taxes, food and transportation, and that would be it. I think I need to face up to the fact that extensive travel is expensive, and if that is what you thought that you were going to do..and I think maybe I did....then it is beyond your means. I am feeling scared about money again, and think....no. Get over that. That is really causing you stress. Well, the day is ahead and getting the School of Pharmacy section of the annual report should be the first thing on your agenda

[Comment October 24, 2003. I wonder if in fact I am clinically depressed. I really donít think so, but I keep writing about things that sound like this. Is it my imagination that I am ignored by other people deliberately ? ]

CONTINUED

I am absolutely running out of time. I feel like I really need next week to work on the stuff...and and yet I don't have the time...since I am committed to taking 7 and a half entire days, including the weekend to go down to St Simons to be with Marti and Jay.This publication is coming at me so FAST

Matthews will be back tomorrow....with corrections....and working on that will take time. I also need to finish up this pharmacy annual report thing....What I do need to keep reminding myself of is all that I got done in May and June...the paper for Strom, the poster paper that Amy has I suppose already presented or will be presenting, and the arrangements for the program in Toronto..and actually attending the meeting.Next month...a lot of meetings...The 6th, 11th (Maybe), 19th, 28th.....